Finding play partners that we’re attracted to, we feel safe with, and who aren’t batshit crazy can be difficult. Especially when, with work and our busy lives, we end up meeting a lot of people online. Websites like FetLife and SDC can be great for meeting other likeminded kinksters but it always pays to be cautious – especially when you’re asking a stranger to come over, tie you up, and pound the shit out of you. So here are some red flags to watch out for when meeting people online and some safety tips to get the most out of your kinky experience!
Red Flag #1 No Face Pictures
Sure, I understand not wanting to put your face out there on a fetish website for everyone to see. But so many sites now have privacy settings where only friends or people you know can see your face pictures. If someone doesn’t have ANY available, it might be because they’re pretending to be someone else. Beware of the catfish!
Red Flag #2 Has a lot of Pre-Saved Photos
Going along with Red Flag #1, if someone has a lot of photos of themselves in the same outfit or same environment, they might be saved photos that this person can whip out at a moments notice. Make sure you’re asking for real-time photos!
Red Flag #3 All They Want to Talk About is Sex
Look, I’m not saying don’t talk about what you want sexually out of this experience. I’m just saying, if they don’t even want to know the basic first date things about you, like what you do for a living or how you got into the lifestyle or YOUR NAME, then they might only be interested in getting themselves off. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a potential sexual partner then how are you going to tell them what feels good?
Red Flag #4 Making You Feel Bad for Wanting to Feel Safe
We all know Stranger Danger is real and if someone makes you feel bad for wanting to feel safe, like not giving them your phone number immediately or wanting to meet at a public place first, then they don’t care about making you comfortable and you should just drop them.
Red Flag #5 Lack of Consistent Communication
You sent a message three days ago and they’re just now getting back to you – no explanation and no apology. They even forgot what you all were talking about in the first place. “Meet up? Well, I have an hour now if that works for you?” Basically, the old adage ‘if someone is interested in you, you’ll know it’ holds true here. Just because you’re kinky doesn’t mean you’re easy.
These are just some basic red flags to watch out for when talking with anyone online – whether you’re looking for a kinky experience or not. If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable or afraid in anyway then you should disengage from the interaction. Its always a good idea to let a friend know who you’re playing with and where and when they should expect to hear from you. If things don’t go as planned you want someone to be aware of what is going on. As my favorite podcast says “Fuck politeness!” We want you to get fucked instead *wink*.